The Greene & Greene flyswatter. Original drawing by Terry Peart.
It has been quite a while since I’ve posted to this blog. Just over two months, in fact. The reason is quite simple, I haven’t felt like writing. Actually, it isn’t quite that simple because I’ve had this guest post from Tom Moore and another by Darrell Peart on hand for quite some time and haven’t posted them. No particular reason other then the fact that I’ve been spending as much time as possible hiking in the mountains and more time planning hikes, assembling panoramic photos, etc.

The flight of fancy that appears below is the product of the fertile mind of my good friend Tom Moore. Tom’s writing has appeared previously in this space but this story is particularly inspired. One point that Tom was too modest to mention: after writing this piece, he made several of the flyswatters, one of which is on display in my living room.
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On December 17, 2004, Sotheby’s held another of their many “firsts” auctions, “American Renaissance: Including An Important Private Collection of Greene & Greene.” It included the largest single offering of objects from turn-of-the-century architects Charles and Henry Greene. Every item was designed, built, owned or painted by the Greenes. In all, 50 G&G lots were available. When the cash settled, Ted Wells, spokesperson and bidder for the Guardian Stewardship secured all lots.

What followed was unexpected and most interesting. Others in possession of G&G objects offered them to Ted for sale. Shortly thereafter, Ted posted a message on Darrell Peart’s Greene-Style-Furniture, a Yahoo! group. “…there are scores (or more) of Greene and Greene pieces out there that we are (or at least I was) unaware of, especially considering that since the December auction I have been approached about buying scores of pieces that before now, have never been exhibited or seen by the public or current scholars or authors…”

Without providing any concrete details about what resides in our neighbors’ homes, Ted further commented the they are “…some of the most incredibly constructed and beautiful pieces of decorative arts created in America.” My mind raced, imagining the most fantastic objects I could. I wished all these items could one day appear on the PBS show “Antiques Roadshow”.

The next day I couldn’t help but dwell on imaginary treasures. Then, at lunch, I began typing. I had no idea what to type, or where it would lead. In about 25 minutes or so, the story below appeared in my word processor – I don’t know from where. It was a story that virtually wrote itself. That evening I posted it on the Yahoo group.

Upon reading it, Darrell’s wife, Terry, took chalk in hand and created the image that leads this blog giving form to my main characters, Eileen and Paddy. It really brings them “to life.”

Hope you enjoy the reading of an Antiques Roadshow episode never (yet) aired.
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The spotlights brighten, illuminating scores of individual furniture pieces placed strategically about the auditorium. They range in size from desktop accessories to dining tables and sideboards.

Eileen Left, the show host, stands behind a simple display of what looks to be a very old, common household apparatus. The camera pans the crowded auditorium, revealing the scope of furniture and the excited owners assembled for this first-ever show dedicated to the body of work of a single architectural firm, the Greene brothers - Charles and Henry - of Pasadena, CA, in the foothills above Los Angeles.

Without a sound, the camera zooms in on the host, and then focuses on the object before her. "Yes, folks, this is what you've been waiting for! It’s the only surviving example of high bungalow art applied to a fly swatter. What a find!

"This glorious sample of art for art's sake found the light of day only last week, when a Greene & Greene admirer noticed its resemblance to the organic yet sinuous lines of furniture characteristic of the famous Gamble House in Pasadena. Upon investigation, the work was attributed to Greene and Greene, specifically Charles Sumner Greene. Not because of the so-called cloud-lift pattern along the shank of the handle, not due to the generous number of ebony plugs, not because of the “tree of life” illustration on the lacework on the business end of this effective tool, but because of the inscription and initials found faintly visible on the edge of the handle. The inscription reads, 'Seven flies with one blow,' followed by the initials C. S. G. These initials, we have come to know, stand for Charles Sumner Greene, the more artistic of the Greene brothers.”

(Eileen angles the swatter for the camera close-up.)

"Notice the long, sculptured Honduras mahogany handle, and the delicate silk netting, replete with Charles Greene’s favorite watercolor Oak Rose pattern. Likely it was inspired during one his numerous walks in the arroyo adjacent to his hilltop home a few blocks from the Gamble House.

"Let’s take a closer look and learn more about this startling discovery. We have an expert guest to assist us today. Here to provide his own unique 'lens into the artist' viewpoint is acclaimed architect/author/bon vivant, Paddy O'Ferncher. Welcome, Paddy."

"Thanks for inviting me, Eileen. I’m pleased as punch to have been selected to describe this unique Greene and Greene piece accessory."

"That’s a good place to start, Paddy. Most viewers know Greene and Greene through their incomparable architecture, embodied in the half-dozen or so houses referred to as the 'ultimate bungalows'. Some viewers may not know that the commission for those houses included designing accessories and exclusive furniture, intended not only for a certain room within the house, but for a specific spot in the room.

"Paddy, when first I held it, I was struck by much more than just the overall pleasing aesthetic. The feel is, well, sensuous. The balance - disproportionate but neutral. The Honduras mahogany handle - it's sooo smooth, and fits my dainty hand perfectly. And I just love the tiny Ebony faux plugs placed so randomly, yet so pleasingly along the handle. They’re adorable! Tell me, Paddy, for which house was this exquisite fly swatter designed?"

"Sorry to say, Eileen, but that handle is not actually Honduras mahogany as I heard you say - twice now. You misspoke, and we can't mislead our viewers, can we? In the interest of historical accuracy, and to maintain the sanctity of Charles’s unmatched ability to select the most harmonious materials and features to capture the essence and simplicity of the Arts and Crafts Movement, I should wish to set the record straight. It is African mahogany. This species is a member of the mahogany botanical family Meliaceae. Its botanical name is Entandrophragma Cylindricum. It is widely used as a substitute for genuine – that is Honduras - mahogany in Europe. Made in any other wood species, the swatter would be useless. Charles was brilliant!"

"Um, thanks, Paddy...I think."

"I like to refer to this as the 'little flyswatter that could.' First, let's gaze at the overall piece. My prescient eye noted the hue of the handle. It’s unlike any other Greene & Greene creation, known or unknown. It’s sublime, it's...it's recherché!

"And the handle design itself is unprecedented. As I rotate it on its secondary axis, we are treated to another aspect of design heretofore unknown in the entire Greene & Greene body of work - the rumored bifurcated cloud lift! Through the years rumors of this persisted, but until today, they were just that - rumors. Well, rumors no more. Ha!

"And, Eileen, those aren't just randomly placed faux plugs, no. Sorry again. I guess you hadn't paid attention when we spoke before the show. It takes the uncommonly educated eye of a true connoisseur to recognize that the actual placement of every plug was by intention; Charles’s aggressive use of these plugs is the key to the inscription. The Mickey Mouse, brave little tailor type claim: 'Seven flies with one blow.'

"Only when you rotate it on its tertiary axis do you recognize that the plug arrangement replicates the ancient Japanese booby-trap motif. Eureka! Brilliant! To the ignorant observer, these look to be just plugs. But Charles knew that this particular plug arrangement does more. It interferes with a fly's vision, confusing its electrochemical output. Brilliant!"

"Paddy, get a hold of yourself. You’re panting. You’re sweating. Actually, you’re vibrating."

"As you know, one of the principles underlying the Arts and Crafts Movement worldwide was disdain for machine-made objects. Within the Movement, and high on the Greene’s personal list of imperatives was to utilize machinery sparingly. They were used only to relieve the craftsperson from tedium and mind numbing, repetitive work. To the Greenes, there was a moral importance to honest craftsmanship. This fly swatter is a sterling example - completely hand made, save the wire form that shapes and supports the netting. I’ll demonstrate how it works so effectively.

"As one approaches an unsuspecting fly buzzing about, the fly catches sight of the plug pattern and is mesmerized. Waving it in this manner...” (Paddy assumes a semi Tai Chi stance and slowly and deliberately moves the fly swatter in larger and larger circles, followed by ever-smaller circles.) We know that the term 'boxing' means empty-hand combat, but Charles knew you can't catch flies on the fly with your bare hands. By the way, what do you call a fly with its wings removed? A run! Ha! Heheheh! Oh, how I amuse myself!"

"Amusing...," Eileen offers with exasperation.

"Anyway, Charles thought of everything - down to the last detail. He foresaw the ultimate frustration of the servants and kitchen help as they dealt with those pesky Southern California flies and in brilliant fashion, provided an elegant solution. He put into their hands the most deadly weapon possible against flies, scourge of the domestic. Brilliant!

"The innate design of the plug pattern, in concert with expert manipulation of this ancient-weapon-masquerading-as-a-work-of-art, spelled instant annihilation for the flies. Brilliant!

"By the time you complete the smallest of circles, the fly is rendered virtually helpless. Simply, it cannot see to navigate, so it lights on the closest horizontal surface. And with one Rambo-style, kendo wrist-flick – splat – one less nuisance."
Paddy tears-up and breaks down, falling to one knee. Eileen plucks the fly swatter from his now limp hand, holds it high above her head, hesitates, and then delivers a deliberate and purposeful whack on his head, raising a welt the size of a golf ball. Paddy ends up prostrate on the floor. Crimson oozes from the wound.

The 100 year-old handle, dry and fragile, shatters upon impact. The fine-spun netting, weak from thousands of previous successful fly smashings, was left without strength sufficient to withstand this most vicious swing. It bursts apart, transforming into a hovering cloud of pastel dust. All that remains intact is the machine-made steel wire that lies glistening on the floor beside Paddy.

Eileen turns and slowly faces the camera, open mouthed, and with a blank look on her face. Instinctively, the stage director dims the lights and disconnects the microphones. All onlookers stand motionless, staring as it all goes black.